Pisces Iscariot

The English invented it, the Brazilians perfected it.

The title is in Portuguese (the "a" should have the tilde or the ~ sign above it). Pronounced as "obsesyaw de fuchebol," it means "football obsession." And as it suggests, the title is basically descriptive of the post-hiatus me. Yup! After a very long break from blog-writing, I have found myself obsessed with Brasil.

It all started with World Cup Germany 2006. The fever was simply contagious. I, together with my hubby, watched Brasil’s matches at the National Sports Grill in Greenbelt even if the match begins at 3am. Little by little, I was oriented into the world of football. And little by little, I was introduced to joga bonito or The Beautiful Game, which, of course, refers to the kind of game the Brasilians play— fair football: no cheating, just plain skills and for pure enjoyment. The Nike football website is full of videos showing how wonderful and amazing Brasilian football is. In the numerous interviews done about Brasil, only one thing consistently surfaces: there is no Brasilian who doesn’t know how to joga bonito. No wonder Brasil is the five-time World Cup champion and has won the award for fair play. Football is the larong kalye in Brasil. In the slums (which largely make up the Portuguese-speaking country), kids play the game with improvised ball (because a real soccer ball is expensive) and goal.

The fever didn’t stop even after the World Cup is over and the Jules Rimet trophy have been handed over to the Italians (Hail, Fabio Cannavaro! David Beckham is now just #2 in my hot guys list). My hubby and I have begun playing football during weekends in the park, in one of the vacant lots at The Fort and even inside the house (even Halo has her own Portugal soccer ball which she loves to kick— we hope this is the start of her love for football though we don’t really care what sport she gets involved in so long as she gets into one especially since I was into taekwondo and her dad was into swimming). We are yet to play in the Ateneo pitch but we’re planning to as soon as the rainy days are over. Wacks, my hubby, is TOTALLY into it. He has already acquired a soccer shoes and a soccer ball plus the high socks that soccer players wear. As for me, I just bought the newly released Brasil soccer polo shirt from Adidas in addition to the sleeveless Brasil shirt that I wore everytime there was a Brasil match.

All this craze brought me and my hubby (I’m glad I am not alone this time unlike before when Cuba was the sole object of my obsession) to the realization that we want to migrate to Brasil if fate will allow (in other words, if we get to have the money needed to fulfill this desire). I mean, it may be a postcard country but at least it’s not very different from the Philippines. We want to raise our Havana Loren and our future baby boy the Brasilian way. And hopefully, our baby boy, if not Halo, will learn and be good at football.

But this is a tall order, as of now. I really hope though that about five to ten years from today, we still want the same thing and that we have the necessary resources in order to fulfill our desire.

If not, can we just watch the World Cup 2014 live if it will be held in Brasil?

OMG! It’s been a very, very looooooooooooooooooooong time since I last made a blog. I’ve been into an equally loooooooooooooooooooooong unintentional hiatus due to so many reasons; two of them being my lack of Friendster time and access, and my pregnancy.

Yep, my pregnancy. I am now a mom! Yipee! It came early, yes. But I figured there can be no better time than now. After a grueling 9 months (the last 4 weeks was actually spent whining due to the ultra-heavy belly), my little Havana Loren was born on her exact due date, January 23. (Havana is the capital of Cuba, one of the foreign cultures I love aside from that of Brazil while Loren was taken from the second name of my late sister-in-law Lorena). She was 6.8 lbs then and was 47 cm long. She was so adorable but she didn’t waste any time in making me experience the first challenges of motherhood. When she’s asleep, all I could do was stare at her or shoot photos (the camera stays by our side even when we sleep coz you never know when the Kodak moment may happen). But when she’s awake… God, when she’s awake! Breastfeeding took away what little energy I have left due to lack of sleep. Like most newborns, she was a day-sleeper (and a light sleeper!). At night, she’s WIDE AWAKE. Now, I can barely recall our day-to-day schedule back then but what I can never forget was how Halo (yup, as in the one that angels have on their heads) woke up at 1030pm and never slept until 430am.

But all’s well that ends well. Babies grow up so fast!!! She’s now 6 months old and very, very playful (an understatement)! She loves jumping up and down whenever her feet touches ground. And we think she’s teething so she would bite everything. She’s not afraid of strangers. She would go with anybody so long as they’re human. When she sees a smiling face or a face she’s familiar with, she would smile and even laugh her heart out you would think you really look funny to her. She likes people. She eats baby cereals, banana and Marie biscuits. When you talk to her, she talks back in an attempt to create an intelligible conversation. It’s tiring yet rewarding to be with her.

So I don’t think it’s hard to understand how I have learned to love being a mom this early. When I learned that I was pregnant, I was scared and admittedly, didn’t want to push through with it. But when I had my Havana Loren, I had no regrets whatsoever. Being a mom is sooo exhausting but I wouldn’t have it any other way! =)

This is written as a reply to Jayvee’s email…

Jayvee’s dad passed away last Thursday, October 13. In light of this, he wrote down his reflections about life being too short and shared it to us through the ever-reliable yahoogroups.  Following is my response to his sentiments:

Yes, life is indeed always too short. For the past few years, I had my share of significant experiences that never fail to remind me of this truth. Before, life was always so light for me. I took it a step at a time never really realizing that my earthtime is slowly running out. Yes, there were deaths but never in my immediate family or relatives so they did not affect me in any way. Until Death swooped down on a loved one. My realization that life is short started with a death in the family, as what always happens.

My grandfather (father’s side) died some two years back. March 22, 2003, if my memory serves me right. It was so sad. We were very close. A few days after his funeral, I still find myself crying all of a sudden because I never forget the last time that we talked. It was on my birthday. He gave me a phone call to greet me and to apologize for not being able to send me anything. I can distinctly recall him saying, "’Di bale, ‘pag may kita sa manggahan… (referring to the family’s mango orchard in Pampanga)." Apparently, he couldn’t send me anything coz he had no money. He was still waiting for his shares in the mango orchard to come. It didn’t matter anyway. I wasn’t looking for gifts or anything. It was enough that he remembered just like he always did. At that time, the family was aware of his colon cancer but although we knew that death could only be the one to put an end to that illness, we never expected that it would still catch us off guard. I was shocked and extremely saddened when my lola brought us the bad news… "wala na si Lolo n’yo," she said over the phone. I shed sad tears after hanging up but was consoled by the fact that he died seemingly peaceful and contented. Death came knocking at his door one day when he said he wasn’t feeling very well. An ambulance was called but while waiting for it to arrive, my Lolo said he felt tired and wanted to get some sleep. So he proceeded to his bedroom and when my Lola checked on him after a while, he wasn’t breathing anymore. He was already taken away from us. But like I said, it consoled me to know that he died a peaceful death though underneath, he was struggling to fight for his life. That night, he was cremated. We watched him as we paid our last respects (though at this point, I felt that it wasn’t right to look at him like spectators watching some pitiful dead person). And then he was burned to ashes.

My aunt’s husband also died though I can barely recall the time of his death (whether it was after or before my Lolo’s). But like my Lolo, Tito Vic was also very dear to the family. I was close to him as well having lived with his family in my younger years when my parents went to Cebu. I could still remember those times when we would play games in the Family Computer. He also loves to cook so family get-togethers were never complete without his specialties. Tito Vic’s death came like a thief in the night. He died in a motorcycle accident leaving his wife and three young kids behind. The family mourned for him as if he was an original member of the family. We never considered him as an "outsider." We all loved him that much.

Then in June of this year, Death stopped by to claim another loved one’s life. This time it’s my Lola’s, my mother’s mother. We were with her during her last hours on earth (the night before she died, we stayed in our grandparents’ house in Batangas but I had to leave for Manila the next day coz I had work not knowing that I wouldn’t be able to see her alive again). All her children and grandchildren tried to be with her and see her before she passed away. I regret that I wasn’t by her side before she died though but I know that she died happily in the arms of all her loved ones. My Lola was never neglected like other people who are abandoned by their family and relatives in their old age. Each and every child and grandchild loved my Lola and cared for her in every way possible. We always included her and my Lolo in all family outings and get-togethers even if they had to be fetched all the way from Batangas. My family in my mother’s side is very big that’s why we always have fun whenever we’re together. We were close-knit even if we had to deal with many people all the time. My Lolo and Lola was blessed with 12 children though 2 passed away before their time… but still, 10 was left to them. Blessings never stopped coming in coz they were given a total of more than 40 grandchildren and great-grandchildren combined (I already lost count). I would always look forward to all the outings and reunions. This family is THE family in every sense of the word. I never felt detached. I always feel like I belong. I always feel welcome. But things have changed somehow. My Lolo is sad and sickly after my Lola passed away. Aunts and cousins have started to go in separate ways. Reunions and get-togethers, if ever they will happen again, will never be the same without the matriarch and other family relations (by the way, our last out-of-town trip was when we had a summer outing in Laguna… that was the last time that both Lola and Tito Vic were present with us). But what’s done is done. I guess the only thing left for us to do is to move on.

Matanda na nga talaga ang panahon. So in order to deal with this, we just have to stand up and pick up where we left off after we tumble down. We just have to find the Blue Bird of Happiness (like the one in the movie K-Pax) after a cloak of sadness crosses our paths. Me, I have many regrets in relation to my late loved ones and the biggest of which is that they wouldn’t be able to see my little Halo. But then I just bear in mind that though they have left the earth, they also left behind memories for us to cherish.

Life is too short, yes. But memories live long. So probably the best way to deal with the brevity of life is to make every moment count and create happy memories out of these that will linger. In the end, it wouldn’t matter if our loved ones’ earthbound bodies are gone. After all, it is our memories of them that will infinitely and eternally live on.

I just love this song! It’s currently making waves in the hit charts though my boyfriend said that it has already been playing in the Bora airwaves in Summer ‘05. I just feel like getting up on my feet and grooving to the sound of this house music whenever I hear it. And the lyrics… man! So nice! Can be THE song for my honey. Really nice! =)

Ever After by Bonnie Bailey

Three years ago my journey began
Chasing down this cure, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my racing guide in the dark
Just knowing with conviction from the start

The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet I fell hard for your imperfections

Chorus
And now we’re slightly weathered, we’re slightly worn
Our hands grip together eye to eye through the storm yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeah
Coz life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there ain’t no current in this river we can’t ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we’re floating when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine
Emotions volcanic eruptions
We both still care so we’re still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you, I want to make it right

Chorus

You are my twisted sunshine
You are my twisted sunshine

Chorus

Yeah. Don’t you think so? Memories are like fungus. They’re so hard to kill. Maybe that’s the plus in having amnesia… you get to pull out the bad weed.

This morning, I woke up from a nightmare. And it wasn’t good. It was about my boyfriend having another girl and lying about it. But I found out somehow. So bad mood ako when I woke up. Very bad mood. And then it all came back…

I had this grudge against my bf, about him going to Boracay without me in April of this year. It was sooo heartbreaking, disappointing, frustrating and hurting for me. I referred to the grudge as "had" because it’s all in the past. But you know how memories are…

They have the habit of catching you with your pants down. They get to you when you least expect it and when you least need it. So that’s what happened this morning. Because of the nightmare, that bad memory came to haunt me again. And it isn’t easy. It’s hard to deal with something that’s already past. After all, I’ve already dealt with it a long time ago. So what’s the point in digging up skeletons when they’re supposed to have been cremated a long time ago? I don’t wanna nag. It’s just not me. And why would I nag anyway? Just to let off steam? Nah… Bad idea. I don’t even want people to do that to me so why do it to others? Think Golden Rule.

AAAAARRRGGH! It’s just that it was all unfair. And to think that a girl wanted to hook up with him there. I should be proud, I know. But I just can’t stop being bothered. Me, working my ass off here in Manila and thinking about my bf at night. Him, dancing the night away and getting to know bitches. And me… me… the selosa me… And what is with that place anyway? It’s just a  HYPED-UP place for bachelors and bachelorettes, not for boyfriends and girlfriends or families. I don’t understand why he still wanna go back there except for the bachelor lifestyle that one can enjoy. Any explanation wouldn’t suffice anyway. I wanna kill somebody, honestly, if that could help me kick this memory out of my system once and for all.

Why are memories like fungus? When they come back to haunt me, they make me itchy all over. Grrr…